The Annual Football Predictions Blog 2021/22

The Annual Premier League Predictions Blog 2021/22

Last season, between Roger and me, we managed to pretty much forecast an accurate picture of how we felt last season would end. There were obviously the glaring mistakes, but in general we did okay, especially considering we guessed our own teams’ finishing positions spot on, which is both excellent and a little bit sad.

In the twelve months since that blog; Spurs have lost their arsehole and Everton’s manager proved to be an arsehole and now both teams start a new season with new managers and little optimism. Liverpool have lost their World Heritage standing, mainly because of the proposed Everton stadium at the docks and Spurs lost £200million in unrecoverable income and fell, like a stone, out of the top four and back into mid-table mediocrity. If the Toffees learn anything from this season, it’s likely to be two-fold: 1) don’t waste your money and years of the club’s time building a new stadium and 2) don’t employ your biggest rival’s ex-manager, possibly a few years after his peak. The similarities with Spurs are never-ending…

So… how do we see the forthcoming season unfolding? Personally, and I expect Roger feels the same way, the enthusiasm, optimism and hope we’ve both had at times over the last decade has almost completely disappeared and the prospect of another long and potentially boring season is very real. Here’s what I think:

1^st: Man City – especially if they sign Kane and Grealish. I don’t really have a problem with Citeh the way I do United or Chelsea, Arsenal or Liverpool, but they’re proving that there’s no longer such a thing as a level playing field and I expect they will run away with the title this season, even without world class additions.

2^nd: Chelsea – I don’t care where they finish as long as they don’t win any more trophies. The Poor Man’s Man City is a dislikeable bunch of worthless cunts and I’d like to see them lose every match they play in. They have overtaken Arsenal in my personal hatred charts.

3^rd: Man Utd – the Manchester dominance won’t continue, just. Good signings, Ole getting the hang of managing a proper side and the ability to grind out enough results to keep them in touch with the real challengers. They’re never going to be what they were, at least not in my lifetime. Still good enough to stay in the top 4 for the foreseeable future.

4^th: Liverpool – and so the top four is a repeat of last year. Liverpool peaked eighteen months ago and have been overtaken by at least three teams; plus not a huge amount has happened on the transfer front – running to stand still. Might win a cup.

5^th: Leicester – knocking on the door again and will be unlucky not to break into the top 4; will suffer from their usual slumps at the most inconvenient times.

6^th: There will be quite a gap between 5^th and 6^th and for the first time in years I’m hard pressed to see a finishing order for the lower European places. West Ham are in the Europa; Spurs are in the Conference, Aston Villa have reinforced extremely well, but lost Grealish and Everton are again in transition and likely to play extremely dull football to grind out results; so who is going to finish 6^th? Let’s have a punt on Leeds United. No Europe, good recruitment, top manager. I see a big improvement coming.

7^th: Spurs – it pains me to forecast them so far down the table, but this is as optimistic as I can get. I like Nuno Espirito Santo; I think he’s a nice guy. I don’t expect he’ll see two years out, especially if Pochettino continues to be linked with a return (although that depends on how far Spurs fall). I also suspect Spurs will get through to the Europa Conference final – whether they win it or not is another matter. It is a horrible time to be a fan of this team. They have plummeted from contenders to has-beens in the space of two seasons and that has been largely down to ENIC’s failure to invest in players when they were needed and then being kicked in the teeth by COVID when they were ready to make themselves lots of cash from the new stadium, American football, rock concerts and boxing matches – football was always going to be low down that list, now… Levy needs to spend some of those billions squirrelled away or simply sell up and get a progressive owner in. Sad times but some encouraging signings and the promise of getting rid of more deadwood and bringing a few youngsters through. As long as we’re entertaining and challenging in a couple of cups, I don’t mind a season of low expectations.

8^th: Everton – I expect the same from the perennial underachievers of the 21^st Century. Benitez’s appointment is likely to be as successful as Mourinho at Spurs or anyone at Celtic at the moment, which is damning but also probably accurate. Their season was probably summed up the other morning when Rafa said that James Rodriguez was surplus to requirements and should look for another club. This is their only world class footballer and for a club mired in a child sex abuse scandal with one of their other senior players, I expect things will only get worse before they ever get better…

9^th: Arsenal – they are in more of a decline than Spurs. The manager will be sacked by Christmas and it will be an uphill struggle from then on.

10^th: West Ham – the Europa League will do them. A return to mediocrity.

11^th: Aston Villa – even without Grealish they’re still almost capable of top half; it’s whether their signings are as good as they’re believed to be. It’s a tough league for the top 10 and they might just miss out.

12^th: Crystal Palace – this will be seen as an improvement and a step in the right direction for new boss Patrick Vierra.

13^th: Wolves – new manager, poor recruitment; one wonders what the owners are thinking. Probably enough to stay out of trouble.

14^th: Southampton – the end of Hassenhutl and a season of struggle.

15^th: Brentford – a valiant effort, will shock many teams at home; will do more than enough to survive.

16^th: Brighton – Graham Potter is touted as a great upcoming manager; Brighton will play nice football and still struggle all season.

17^th: Newcastle – skin of their arses time. Bruce will somehow manage to keep his job all season.

18^th: Burnley – Dyche’s swansong? It’s time this team’s luck ran out.

19^th: Norwich – as doomed as they were last time; likely to have lost their best players by the time the season really gets going.

20^th: Watford – doomed. End of.

 

FA Cup: Rotherham

League Cup: Wycombe

Champions League: Lokomotiv Plovdiv

Europa League: Wales

Europa Conference: The Moldovan Figure Skating Movement.

 

And now for Roger’s effort. I call it an effort although he didn’t put much into it. However, where I have eschewed humour for a more serious approach this season, he’s filled in the void left…

***

I can't remember being less enthusiatic about a new football season than for the forthcoming round of predictable fare, for, well forever. My lot have finally had FFP caught up with them, and after 5 years and now 6 managers, the ability to spend has been severely curtailed by the regulations. In a close season when the usual suspects continue to spaff cash at players without a care in the world, Everton, once a big club in the increasingly dim distant past, are now going to be slugging it out for a top half finish with the also-rans.

 

The way FFP "works", it seems to me to be a fairly pointless exercise as the gap between the Big Six and the rest gets ever wider, making bridging that gap more and more difficult for once big players like Everton. I am coming to the conclusion that the Euro Super League thing should be allowed to go ahead. At least it would give our league some genuine excitement. Still, it could be worse, I could support the Cobblers.

1st - Man Utd - Look, it would be too easy to say Citeh, again. Utd have spaffed well, and I fancy them to give it a right go.

2nd - Man City - They have probably spaffed in fine fashion too, but I can't be bothered to check. Even real Citeh fans must be getting bored by now, surely?

3rd - Chelsea - That Tuchel fella looks like he knows what he's doing. I fancy Roman to blow his face off with a sawn-off shotgun as the culmination of a bloodbath in Knightsbridge.

4th - Leicester - This time, they'll get their noses in front of the Shite. He hopes....

5th - Liverpool - Fuckity fuckity fuck...

6th - Arsenal - With an average squad age of 13, the Gooners could find those late night matches hard to cope with. Expect them to be top at some point, and then lose 5 on the trot. As per normal, then.

7th/8th/9th/10th - Perm any combination of Spurs, Villa, Leeds, Everton. I'm afraid West Ham will slide back into the anonymous middle bit, now they've got away fixtures in Ulan Bator on Thursday nights to contend with.

This middle bit makes me want to go for a shit. I really don't care.

Will Brentford stay up? No. Neither will Watford or Narch.

The Cup - Aston Villa

League Cup - Aston Villa

Right... now to go and do something useful, like string my ukulele.

***

And that's all they wrote. Who will be closer to the truth? Last season it was just about a tie.

 

England are Spurs (but worse)

I recently read a rant by a QPR fan that left no doubt about his (and other QPR fans) feelings towards Harry Redknapp. While discussing this rant with my friend, an Everton supporter, I came up with a theory about Redknapp that I'm now going to extrapolate on as a way of possibly explaining why the England football team's failure is probably John Terry's fault as well.

I have often cited John Terry as being the reason why Spurs completely-unexpected title challenge in 2012 withered on the vine and died spectacularly - within weeks of punters daring to suggest that Harry's team could possibly do it. Terry's racism caused Fabio Capello to leave the England job and while I don't think he was anywhere near the best man for the job, his leaving caused the widespread expectation that Harry Redknapp would replace him and do to England what he appeared to be doing at Tottenham.

Harry, as some fans and commentators claimed, was good until 'Daniel Levy fucked him over in January 2012' and Harry has always claimed - mainly off camera - that he asked for two players to help give Spurs a chance of winning the title (they were 2nd in January 2012 and even Paul Merson was talking about them being stalking horses) and he asked for Carlos Tevez and a top class defender. He got Ryan Nelson and Louis Saha, combined age about 170. Spurs ended up finishing 5th and I think, from memory, they took about 7 points between February and May - it was heartbreaking to watch and many Spurs fans conveniently forget that not so illustrious last few months of Harry's reign.

There were many other factors at work than listed above. There was family tragedy, a fraud case, some or unfortunate bad timing with contract talks and, of course, when Capello quit and the press installed him as the 'only' replacement, it obviously went to his head. The fact that the FA, in its infinite stupidity, chose Roy Hodgson probably put paid to Harry's career and ruined the national side's chances of being something other than one of the regular teams who make numbers up at competitions.

Roy's period in charge was a strange blend of unbeatable and unwinnable. In qualifications England were dull but imperious. At the World Cup and then the Euros - even without extra pressure from the media - they were woeful and reinforced the view that whenever England does something positive, it will follow it up with something worse than ludicrous. When an England manager decides that Harry Kane should be taking corners you know that he isn't the man who should be doing the job...

What if Harry Redknapp had got the job he wanted? My belief is when he failed to get the England job it kind of killed his desire. Spurs faded badly and he's done nothing of note since. In fact, his stock fell so badly at Birmingham that it's probably a good thing he's 70 and in need of retirement. When he was being touted as Fabio's replacement, Spurs were playing some stunning football - yes, they had Bale, Modric, Van der Vaart, an almost Ledley King and players who gelled well with the stars, but Harry had brought Spurs on from an upper mid-table team to genuine top 4 challengers and while his tactical management left a lot to be desired, his man-management brought the best out of mediocre players - the perfect man for an England job, surely?

Had Daniel Levy not been a plonker - he was pretty much solely responsible for Spurs failure to do anything but become a joke in 2012 - he could have got £250,000 from the FA, got shot of a man he didn't really like and got the same end result, but maybe a year earlier. But he didn't and Roy got the job and I don't think there was one England fan in the country who looked at his appointment and got a hard on for our future prospects.

I'm not going to attempt to presume the hypothetical, but I can't help thinking that playing for England would suddenly have become important again - like it might have if Brian Clough had ever seriously been considered in the 1970s, the last time England were really awful. Reading some autobiographies and historical reports, you got the impression that under Ron Greenwood and Bobby Robson, England felt like a team not a collection of individuals. Graham Taylor set us back when we should have gone forward, Venables took us forward and should never have been sacked. Hoddle might have become something special had the press not picked up on his 'eccentricities' and from that point on, we simply flattered to deceive. Apart from the 5-1 win in Germany (which was the catalyst they needed to reform their game), I can't see anything fond to look back on from Keegan onward.

I think you don't necessarily have to be a world class team to win a competition - Greece and Denmark have proved that - but you do need a coach who can look at what he's got and make them work together for the good of the team. I don't think we've had a coach since Venables who has done that. Obviously, Harry's reign would have had to have been done without wheeler-dealing; he couldn't just go and buy a journeyman Romanian to slot into left back in a crisis; but he might have taken a young English left back and slotted him into an existing set up smoothly; put an arm round his shoulders and told him that he wasn't going to be a jinx and he wouldn't have picked him if he didn't have faith... Who knows; Harry might have been worse than Roy? I doubt it, though. My mum wouldn't have been as bad as Roy and she's been dead 20 years! Sandra Redknapp would have been better than Roy and would have scored a few poacher's goals for us after picking herself over Darren Bent.

And now it's late 2017. We're less than nine months from the next World Cup finals, which we have qualified for, in stunningly dull fashion. The most positive thing you can say about the management is Southgate is honest enough to tell everyone we're shit before it's been proved, again. The thing is I don't actually think we are that bad, we just never pick the right man to manage us and while the incumbent is trying hard, he isn't that good.

Look at the class of 2017. I'm going to throw a few names at you, see if you can guess the link: Danny Rose (when fit), Harry Kane, Eric Dier, Kieran Trippier, Dele Alli, Kyle Walker, Harry Winks? With the exception of Walker, who is now at Man City, this is Spurs. This is an England squad with more Spurs players than I can ever remember. One newspaper columnist even suggested Southgate was trying to get England to play like Spurs, and wouldn't that be something worth staying in and watching games for?

Southgate's problem is his players who aren't playing for Spurs. If Mauricio Pochettino put Jordan Henderson into his team, Sissoko would look world class. If Oxtail-Chambermaid played ahead of Alli or Eriksen, Spurs would be rubbish. Poch plays the 4-2-3-1 formation that Southgate has used in his last half a dozen qualification games (discounting the final game) and frankly playing two defensive midfielders against Malta is only going to work if those players are capable of turning up and scoring the odd goal - like Dier, Wanyama and Dembele do at Spurs. Dier in an England shirt is a bit of an enigma; he comes and goes like a troublesome bout of the trots and I think this is down to whether or not England actually need two covering midfielders against opposition Germany can beat 8-0, but we struggle to get 1-0s against.

In fact, in many ways, England's biggest puzzle at the moment is Jordan Henderson. I simply cannot understand what he is doing in an England shirt. I've watched football for a long time, I like to think that, in general, my opinions gain more agreeable responses than angry ones and I can't understand why he's there in the same way I can't understand why Sissoko is so high up in the Spurs pecking order. I hear we have a dearth of decent midfielders and this might be true; England often have no left back for a generation and five vying for the same position in the next. Look at Paul Scholes, someone who should have got 150 caps, but you know... If midfielders were really the problem I could understand it, but I think this is just scapegoating before the event.

I've seen Dele Alli play in a far more defensive midfield role for Spurs. Early last season especially and whenever he got booked. Poch would bring him deeper, give him more responsibility and not only did we stay as solid, he created a lot from a deeper position and showed much more discipline. If continuous England bosses want to play all their favourites, even if that means there are five number 10s on the pitch, then you can play an attacking midfielder in a less attacking role, surely. Eriksen can do it, Dembele can and it looks like Harry Winks can also do it. I think Alli can do it, probably better than most.

If England could play the Spurs way, it would need a solid centre and two ball-playing central defenders - as far as I can see they can just about do this, but in many ways England doesn't have Vertonghen or Alderweireld because they're Belgian, both of them... But, there are some excellent central defenders playing in 2017, getting the right partnership is key but probably doable with this group of players.

The wing backs have to be Walker and Rose, if both fit and playing the way we know they can. Here is the most dynamic wing back pairing in world football from the same country and there's this myth growing about how good they are together, which gives England an unexpected psychological advantage (for a change).

England do not have Christian Eriksen, Mousa Dembele or Victor Wanyama - at the moment they have Jordan bloody Henderson... - but they do have Eric Dier, Harry Winks, Dele Alli, who all play together at club level. I think that's the midfield problem sorted. Up front, there is a burgeoning partnership in Kane and Rashford; they can both play off each other, drop into the number 10 position and could score goals for fun (if they had a progressive midfield behind them).

I don't care who's on the subs bench as long as they can slot into that system and they can play a high press, high tempo game easily. I would also take Jordan Henderson to one side and let him down, reasonably gently.