So, here we are again. Another season about to start and another year for me to be accurate or wildly wrong...
I'm going solo again, as my former cohort in crime has retired from this predictions lark to focus his time on his two favourite things - jazz prog and filthy dirty sweaty sex. So it's just me attempting to not embarrass myself by forecasting Spurs to finish somewhere other than 17th - for the third consecutive season...
Right, this is horrible. The reason this is horrible is because of the team I expect will win the league. I've had so many people tell me that this team is tired; that its depth isn't as good as people think; that last season was a flash in the pan, but sadly I think this is mainly wishful thinking and people applying a subjective perspective. However, because this predictions blog - that I have now done for over 15 years - is about being objective, I have to apply logic over beliefs and hopes. That objectivity is also governed by the huge number of new managers at clubs you would normally expect to be challenging and how that is going to have a huge effect - therefore I'm forced into conceding that something I do not want to happen inevitably will.
Here are my predictions so that every other Spurs supporter I know can call me all the cunts under the sun...
1st - Arsenal
I can't see anyone else winning it. Arteta has done it now and there's no one else in the Premier League who has. His team appears to have been fortified and I think there's a lot of strength in depth to make up for tired legs. I cannot see anyone making a concerted challenge and while they won't run away with it, they're never going to be seriously troubled.
2nd - Man City
I'm not even confident about this, but I expect they will have enough to ensure they finish ahead of the pack. Is Maresca good enough to replace Pep? I'm not convinced, but you could say that about any of the managers who have taken over at top six clubs. Haaland will finish top scorer, but even he will look defeated by Easter.
3rd - Man Utd
Once upon a time I would never have had this team back in the top four ever again, but I think Michael Carrick is going to have enough savvy about him to ensure they challenge, for a while. This is a team with some great players and if he can get them to tick they will be there or thereabouts for most of the season.
4th - Chelsea
Xabi Alonso will get a tune out of his players, but they will be inconsistent and only win the battle of the rest of the teams. They're going to be a good 10pts behind Man U and probably a few points ahead of the chasing pack. There will still be questions asked, but I think it will be a consolidatory season where 4th will be celebrated as a good achievement.
5th - Liverpool
Andoni Iraola is a good coach, but this might be a step too far for him. Like his Bournemouth side, there will be peaks and troughs for the Red Shite, but they'll sneak into a Champions League place by virtue of not being as inconsistent as those behind them.
6th - Aston Villa
This is a tough one because they have lost good players and haven't replaced them with the same quality, but they will still have a role to play in the season and will have some good runs that keep them in those European places. The manager is key here.
7th - Tottenham
There's a lot to like about Spurs summer recruitment and the players they have got rid of. Injuries will still play a big part in things, because I think the Tottenham Stadium pitch is a killer. They will fix their home form, but will draw too many games and not show the killer instinct that the board hoped RDZ would give them. It will be European football for them in 27/28 though and this will be a springboard for a top four challenge the season following.
8th - Brighton
Of the teams left, this one has the makings of emerging as the best of the rest. They haven't lost much, they have a reasonable squad and have done some business and will go on some runs that will ensure they aren't caught in the scrum that will be behind them.
9th - Newcastle
I'm not confident about this because this is a club very much in transition - new manager, best players gone and a reliance on youth. Arguably, they could end up doing a Spurs and finish the season much lower than this, but I expect the places from 8th on will be tighter and tough to call this season.
10th - Crystal Palace
Depends if they keep the likes of Adam Wharton and their best players stay fit. They have a tough season ahead, with a new boss and expectations high. I think they're going to finish above the team their old manager left them to join.
11th - Nottm Forest
Oliver Glasner went to this shit-stain of a club with the same brief as De Zerbi was given at Spurs; make them better than they were - and he will succeed, but only by a small margin. They have good players, but I think they're as flaky AF and the nasty part of me would love to see them go down because the chairman is such a wanker.
12th - Everton
I think David Moyes has a job on his hand to keep this team consistent. They have done some good recruitment but I don't think it's enough. I expect changes on the bench at the end of the coming season because I feel the board will think Moyes will have done all he can.
13th - Bournemouth
They're a good side but Europe will fuck them over. It will be a long season and while 13th will seem like a huge step back, in the grand scheme of things the fans will end up being happy just to be safe.
14th - Fulham
The new boss and some good signings suggest a better finish, but Fulham have never really seemed like a team that is going to challenge for the top seven and this will be a season of missed opportunities.
15th - Sunderland
A tough one, far more difficult than their first season. They will be involved in a relegation fight and the quality they possess will keep them up.
16th - Brentford
Last year they defied the odds, this year it will be a tough slog with bad runs condemning them to a season that will be considered good because they didn't go down.
17th - Coventry
Of the three promoted sides, this is the one that might scrape home and stay up. Frank Lampard will achieve the almost impossible by getting wins against sides they should lose to and because the three teams below them will be shite.
18th - Leeds
A poor start to the season will see a new manager who will fail to get a bounce out of them, by the time they start playing it will be too late, but they will be considerably better than the two teams below them.
19th - Ipswich
They simply won't have enough and this era's yo-yo team will be back in the Championship and probably winning it the season after next.
20th - Hull City
This is going to be a Swindon season for the club from East Yorkshire. I expect they will win three games all season and be relegated by Easter.
FA Cup - Chelsea
League/Carabao Cup - Spurs
Championship Winners - West Ham
