The Annual Premier
League Predictions Blog 2021/22
Last season, between Roger and me, we managed to pretty much forecast an accurate picture of how we felt last season would end. There were obviously the glaring mistakes, but in general we did okay, especially considering we guessed our own teams’ finishing positions spot on, which is both excellent and a little bit sad.
In the twelve months since that blog; Spurs have lost their
arsehole and Everton’s manager proved to be an arsehole and now both teams
start a new season with new managers and little optimism. Liverpool have lost
their World Heritage standing, mainly because of the proposed Everton stadium
at the docks and Spurs lost £200million in unrecoverable income and fell, like
a stone, out of the top four and back into mid-table mediocrity. If the Toffees
learn anything from this season, it’s likely to be two-fold: 1) don’t waste
your money and years of the club’s time building a new stadium and 2) don’t
employ your biggest rival’s ex-manager, possibly a few years after his peak.
The similarities with Spurs are never-ending…
So… how do we see the forthcoming season unfolding?
Personally, and I expect Roger feels the same way, the enthusiasm, optimism and
hope we’ve both had at times over the last decade has almost completely
disappeared and the prospect of another long and potentially boring season is
very real. Here’s what I think:
1st: Man City – especially if they sign Kane and Grealish. I don’t really have a problem with Citeh the way I do United or Chelsea, Arsenal or Liverpool, but they’re proving that there’s no longer such a thing as a level playing field and I expect they will run away with the title this season, even without world class additions.
2nd: Chelsea
– I don’t care where they finish as long as they don’t win any more trophies.
The Poor Man’s Man City is a dislikeable bunch of worthless cunts and I’d like
to see them lose every match they play in. They have overtaken Arsenal in my
personal hatred charts.
3rd: Man
Utd – the Manchester dominance won’t continue, just. Good signings, Ole
getting the hang of managing a proper side and the ability to grind out enough
results to keep them in touch with the real challengers. They’re never going to
be what they were, at least not in my lifetime. Still good enough to stay in
the top 4 for the foreseeable future.
4th: Liverpool
– and so the top four is a repeat of last year. Liverpool peaked eighteen
months ago and have been overtaken by at least three teams; plus not a huge
amount has happened on the transfer front – running to stand still. Might win a
cup.
5th: Leicester
– knocking on the door again and will be unlucky not to break into the top 4;
will suffer from their usual slumps at the most inconvenient times.
6th: There will be quite a gap between 5th
and 6th and for the first time in years I’m hard pressed to see a
finishing order for the lower European places. West Ham are in the Europa;
Spurs are in the Conference, Aston Villa have reinforced extremely well, but lost Grealish and Everton are again in transition and likely to play
extremely dull football to grind out results; so who is going to finish 6th?
Let’s have a punt on Leeds United.
No Europe, good recruitment, top manager. I see a big improvement coming.
7th: Spurs
– it pains me to forecast them so far down the table, but this is as optimistic
as I can get. I like Nuno Espirito Santo; I think he’s a nice guy. I don’t
expect he’ll see two years out, especially if Pochettino continues to be linked
with a return (although that depends on how far Spurs fall). I also suspect
Spurs will get through to the Europa Conference final – whether they win it or
not is another matter. It is a horrible time to be a fan of this team. They
have plummeted from contenders to has-beens in the space of two seasons and
that has been largely down to ENIC’s failure to invest in players when they
were needed and then being kicked in the teeth by COVID when they were ready to
make themselves lots of cash from the new stadium, American football, rock concerts
and boxing matches – football was always going to be low down that list, now…
Levy needs to spend some of those billions squirrelled away or simply sell up
and get a progressive owner in. Sad times but some encouraging signings and the
promise of getting rid of more deadwood and bringing a few youngsters through.
As long as we’re entertaining and challenging in a couple of cups, I don’t mind
a season of low expectations.
8th: Everton
– I expect the same from the perennial underachievers of the 21st Century.
Benitez’s appointment is likely to be as successful as Mourinho at Spurs or
anyone at Celtic at the moment, which is damning but also probably accurate.
Their season was probably summed up the other morning when Rafa said that James
Rodriguez was surplus to requirements and should look for another club. This is
their only world class footballer and for a club mired in a child sex abuse
scandal with one of their other senior players, I expect things will only get
worse before they ever get better…
9th: Arsenal
– they are in more of a decline than Spurs. The manager will be sacked by
Christmas and it will be an uphill struggle from then on.
10th: West
Ham – the Europa League will do them. A return to mediocrity.
11th: Aston
Villa – even without Grealish they’re still almost capable of top half;
it’s whether their signings are as good as they’re believed to be. It’s a tough
league for the top 10 and they might just miss out.
12th: Crystal
Palace – this will be seen as an improvement and a step in the right
direction for new boss Patrick Vierra.
13th: Wolves
– new manager, poor recruitment; one wonders what the owners are thinking.
Probably enough to stay out of trouble.
14th: Southampton
– the end of Hassenhutl and a season of struggle.
15th: Brentford
– a valiant effort, will shock many teams at home; will do more than enough
to survive.
16th: Brighton
– Graham Potter is touted as a great upcoming manager; Brighton will play nice
football and still struggle all season.
17th: Newcastle
– skin of their arses time. Bruce will somehow manage to keep his job all
season.
18th: Burnley
– Dyche’s swansong? It’s time this team’s luck ran out.
19th: Norwich
– as doomed as they were last time; likely to have lost their best players by
the time the season really gets going.
20th: Watford
– doomed. End of.
FA Cup: Rotherham
League Cup: Wycombe
Champions League: Lokomotiv Plovdiv
Europa League: Wales
Europa Conference: The Moldovan Figure Skating Movement.
And now for Roger’s effort. I call it an effort although he
didn’t put much into it. However, where I have eschewed humour for a more
serious approach this season, he’s filled in the void left…
***
I can't remember being less enthusiatic about a new football
season than for the forthcoming round of predictable fare, for, well forever.
My lot have finally had FFP caught up with them, and after 5 years and now 6
managers, the ability to spend has been severely curtailed by the regulations.
In a close season when the usual suspects continue to spaff cash at players
without a care in the world, Everton, once a big club in the increasingly dim
distant past, are now going to be slugging it out for a top half finish with
the also-rans.
The way FFP "works", it seems to me to be a fairly
pointless exercise as the gap between the Big Six and the rest gets ever wider,
making bridging that gap more and more difficult for once big players like
Everton. I am coming to the conclusion that the Euro Super League thing should
be allowed to go ahead. At least it would give our league some genuine
excitement. Still, it could be worse, I could support the Cobblers.
1st - Man Utd - Look, it would be too easy to say Citeh, again. Utd have spaffed well, and I fancy them to give it a right go.
2nd - Man City - They have probably spaffed in fine fashion too, but I can't be bothered to check. Even real Citeh fans must be getting bored by now, surely?
3rd - Chelsea - That Tuchel fella looks like he knows what he's doing. I fancy Roman to blow his face off with a sawn-off shotgun as the culmination of a bloodbath in Knightsbridge.
4th - Leicester - This time, they'll get their noses in front of the Shite. He hopes....
5th - Liverpool - Fuckity fuckity fuck...
6th - Arsenal - With an average squad age of 13, the Gooners could find those late night matches hard to cope with. Expect them to be top at some point, and then lose 5 on the trot. As per normal, then.
7th/8th/9th/10th - Perm any combination of Spurs, Villa, Leeds, Everton. I'm afraid West Ham will slide back into the anonymous middle bit, now they've got away fixtures in Ulan Bator on Thursday nights to contend with.
This middle bit makes me want to go for a shit. I really don't care.
Will Brentford stay up? No. Neither will Watford or Narch.
The Cup - Aston Villa
League Cup - Aston Villa
Right... now to go and do something useful, like string my ukulele.
***
And that's all they wrote. Who will be closer to the truth? Last season it was just about a tie.
