The 2018/19 Predictions

Football, eh? Fuck me we could all do with a break from it...

For well over 106 years, Roger and I have done our annual Premier League forecast. I spent an hour looking at previous predictions and have to declare that we've always been better than 60% correct, with one or two notable embarrassments. Leicester to narrowly escape relegation the year they won it. QPR to be mid-table every time they got back in the top flight. Both were far more crazy than the seemingly mad forecast that Spurs would win the league (they finished 2nd) or that Everton would win the League Cup - almost every year (they never have).

This year we are blessed with a Premier League without either West Brom or Stoke City who both of us have wished to be relegated for yonks (yet I don't recall either of us forecasting their demise the year they went down). There are more obvious candidates for the bottom five than the top five, but as last season proved, promoted teams are no longer the most vulnerable.

There is also the simple fact that with the exception of a few clubs, there's barely been any transfer business of note, which means a lot could change in the next 10 days, although quite how much immediate impact any new signing is going to have is negligible now.

Here are my predictions for the coming season; Roger's will either follow mine or be before mine, depending on which blog this is posted on.

Arsenal: Like Arsene Wenger, Unai Emery sounds like some vaguely bottom related ailment. The former PSG manager inherits a stagnant team needing something new to focus on. Another season in Thursday night hell will do them no favours and it's whether they have enough quality players to sustain a challenge for the top 4 that is of the biggest concern. Emery won't make many friends but he won't do bad enough to get sacked. They will take all cup competitions seriously as their only real silverware chances.

Bournemouth: Is Eddie Howe the new Messiah? Well, he has more technical nous than Gareth Waistcoatgate. The problem is Bournemouth are punching above their weight and all they can realistically hope for is a campaign where they're never too close to the drop. Tough season where they need some of their 'investments' to stand up to their potential.

Brighton: In an alternative reality Chris Hughton eventually becomes the manager of Tottenham. In our reality this is unlikely to happen despite him being an excellent and under rated manager. This season he's going to need a lot of grit and determination from his players because, quite simply 18 other teams have more quality.

Burnley: It's the Europa League wot did it for them. How Sean Dyche hasn't been coaxed by a 'bigger' club is a mystery, apart from the fact he just doesn't fit the modern manager role. He's a modern-day Sam Allardyce and the chances are he'd fail at another club and his stock as a tactician would fall. Burnley will be happy with group stages of Europa, mid table and a cup semi - they might get them all.

Cardiff: Does the anagram of Colin Wanker have it in him, at his age, to be a proper Premier league manager or will the Welshmen crash and burn, again? I can't see them putting up a fight. The Spaniard who was at Swansea and Sheffield Wednesday will be in by Christmas.

Chelsea: The last time they had a new Italian manager I said they'd finish 6th and they won it. Like Arsenal, they are a club in a decline cycle, the new manager will be good for moral and form, but ultimately they won't be a team like others and will struggle again to break the top 4.

Crystal Palace: Here's a weird one. Based on form and other irrelevant statistics, some computer came up with a prediction that Palace were capable of a top three finish. I'm not agreeing with that computer, but I get the feeling this team under a rejuvenated Woy Hodgson won't be struggling this season.

Everton: Will the new manager turn this usually guaranteed top 7 team into a top 7 team? Will they win the League Cup? One of the season's mysteries because a) is the manager actually any good? b) do they have the players and have they bought anyone in that can change games? And c) Even if they can are they better than at least three of the six sides above them? Sorry Rog, but no.

Fulham: Puzzle time. This season's QPR? I've always had a soft spot for Fulham; nice ground, mad owners, some great players and with a manager who oversees a game as madly as he played, you can expect the unexpected from this team. Watch Ryan Sessignan; he'll be worth a lot of money soon.

Huddersfield: Seriously doomed without better quality. I can't see them having the resilience of Bournemouth and even though their manager is a really capable future star, this will likely be their EPL exit.

Liverpool: Say it with hilarity in your voice - this lot are the proper pundits' tip to beat Man City to the title. On paper they've filled in most of the cracks by doing a lot of their transfer work while others were pondering the world cup. Even more so than when the FSW or Brenda were in charge, there is an expectation this could be the year Klopp beats Pep, but I feel Liverpool, like Spurs, have forgotten how to win the most important matches and most fans of most other clubs would simply be excited at the prospect of a great season. However, the weight of Liverpool fans' is often too much for the players to burden themselves with.

Leicester: Obviously, they'll never hit the heights they did, but now they are also no longer regarded as relegation fodder. This is a big season for the former Champions and they will want a top 7 finish to maybe give them some more Europe the season after next. This is a club with some money and you can't fault their ambition, but losing Mahrez, their most creative player, will need to be addressed.

Man City: Honestly? You can't really see anyone else really challenging. If Citeh play to 75% of what they did last season they'd still win the league, despite whatever improvements there have been elsewhere. I'd love to see Pep throw all of the money and grandeur away and take on the job of managing Northampton Town for 3 years on £100k a year transfer budget. Then I'd acknowledge he's a brilliant manager, but while he has bottomless resources to essentially buy whomever he wants wherever it is difficult to see anyone else really giving this team a run for their money for the next three years.

Man Utd: I seriously expect this team to have moments of extreme embarrassment this season. I have a feeling that Jose won't last the course, essentially because I don't think he has the passion for it any more and he would have preferred to have managed Man U when they were very good. It is no longer a pre-requisite to play for Man U if you're a world class footballer and only this team's quality will ensure they get anything from what could be Mourinho's last season in football management.

Newcastle: Why is the FSW still there? With no money and an owner who actually is a Spurs fan, I can't see Newcastle being anything other than the new Stoke. They have two or three good players who will want a better season or they'll be at bigger clubs in January.

Southampton:  The new West Brom? Mark Hughes is competent at best and is one of that list of managers who always get offered jobs when they get sacked for being shit at their last job. I wish I could be a football manager for a few weeks... As for the south coast side? I expect a long tough season, slightly less fraught than last year.

Watford: Who is their manager this week? Won't finish in the top 10, this year, next year or in 2050. Have less chance of success than Elton John has of having a #1 hit while singing naked up to his groin in a sheep.

West Ham: The wife and brother-in-law's team and one I have always had a soft spot for despite Whammers' hating Spurs like we were the paedo that stole their children. I never like seeing them get relegated, but I hate playing them and they're often more up for beating Spurs than the Arse. Pellegrino is a remarkably astute signing, but this is going to be a year of general rebuilding.

Wolves: This season's proper mystery. They have a manager reasonably unknown but sounding like a fancy Spanish dish in a Michelin-starred restaurant who appears to love the Portuguese (cos he is one) and have turned Wolves into a real dark horse for complete survival. Many people of my age and older will look at Wolves in the top flight and think that an order has been restored, but I've always disliked the team, so I want to change my mind.

Tottenham: I was so wrong about playing at Wembley and I was so glad I was wrong. I really thought Spurs would struggle to finish in the top 6 with Wembley as a millstone and another tough Champions League campaign. In September, Spurs move into New White Hart Lane (and play Liverpool, so a nice easy start) before that they have three away matches and a 'home' game at Wembley against Fulham. It's a bitty start, just the kind of thing a team that notoriously screws up any chance they have of genuinely challenging for a title by having crap starts to the season. Plus, you have to factor in the unbelievably massive work that Daniel Levy has done in the transfer market. So far, with August 1st just round the corner (and a deadline that closes on the 9th), Spurs have signed exactly 0 players.They have at least 13 players still on holiday after world cup exertions and while it gives the B team a chance to shine, Spurs could have a bench that resembles the local nursery school for August.

The 'Spurs' fan in me, looks at all the inactivity, all the lack of real depth, at the new shiny stadium that needs to be a fortress and all the seemingly hollow bullshit from the manager about concluding business early and getting the squad right and I really worry about this season. However, the optimist in me is weighing up the factors against the team last season and how well they did considering and I have to think that Spurs are no longer a team that buckles at adversity. For the fringe players there has never been a better opportunity (even if these include Sissoko, Llorente and a few others who you'd be hard pressed to get excited about) to establish themselves over the 1st team. I expect a high finish more because of others failure to be consistent rather than us ever really challenging.

Final Table:

Man City
Tottenham
Liverpool 

Chelsea

Man U
Arsenal
Crystal Palace 

Everton
Leicester
Fulham

Burnley

West Ham

Wolves

Newcastle

Southampton
Bournemouth
Watford
Brighton
Cardiff
Huddersfield

FA Cup winners: Man City

League Cup winners: Liverpool
European Champions League winners: Sligo Rovers
Cobblers?: Play-offs
1st Manager sacked: Claude Puel

A new football season beckons, rising in a vista of hope, only to be crushed by the jackboot of despondency. Well, if you're an Everton fan at any rate. Actually, the hope is a little less ecstatic than this time last year, so at least the onset of despondency will be easier to take. Pass the happy pills, nurse, I'm going in...

2018/19 will see more insane transfer prices and obscene wages for the top players, while my local team Northampton Town teeters on the verge of collapse, stymied by allegedly corrupt former owners and and a brazenly incompetent local council, the latest owner is thiscloseto walking away in frustration. Ho-hum.

Anyway, this time of year Phil and I make fools of ourselves with our annual predictions. Last season I was spectacularly wide of the mark, reckoning that Chelsea would retain their title! So, settle in for more hilariously myopic crystal ball gazing...

ArsenaL: Unai Emery sounds abrasive and vaguely anal. I know or care little about what the Arse have been up to this close season. They have become the West Brom of the top half of the table, consistently dull and predictable. OK, West Brom aren't in the PL any more, but yer know worramean?! Expect a cup win, and little change in their league position.

Bournemouth: Eddie Howe - a lot of Evertonians wanted him as Martinez' replacement, and he had to be a better bet than Fat Sam, eh? The question is how long can he and his team keep it up? I reckon this time round they will need the football equivalent of a packet of blue pills to stay up. If Howe has been poached by Xmas, then expect a relegation battle which they might lose. Otherwise, a relegation battle they might win.

Brighton: Quite near Bournemouth, but not as good. Straight back down again.

Burnley: Sean Dyche looks like a low achieving pugilist. His bunch of scrappers will be in a battle for 7th/8th with my lot. We're quite flaky, so I expect to lose, but the dreaded burden of hope makes me predict otherwise.

Cardiff: Hail the return of Colin Wanker! What were his parents Dan Bhoj and Rosi Ticl thinking? At least they're back to playing in blue. Another club with a barking and seemingly clueless foreign owner. The bottom half of the PL is full of relegation candidates with nowt between them, and this lot are one of them.

Chelsea: By the time this is published they might have sold Courtois to Real Madrid and bought Pickford from us. Even though Man City epitomise the unlevel playing field of modern football, somehow, it's still Chelsea everyone hates. If they buy Pickford I hope they implode under a huge tax fraud case involving the Russian mafia, and sex trafficking, the utter utter bastards. If not...meh...6th

Crystal Palace: Woy did quite well with them last time. If they sell Zaha to Spurs or anyone else, as is likely, they could be in big trouble, otherwise solid upper mid-table.

Fulham: This flaky bunch of west Lahndan chancers have an owner even madder than Vincent Tan, and even more unlikable than Ambramovich. Buy Wembley?! Wtf?! For that alone they deserve to fail, badly.

Huddersfield: I know absolutely nowt about this lot. Oh yeah...David Wagner, a sort of saner version of Klopp. Will probably win the title. Or finish bottom. In that case, 17th.

Liverpool: It's their year! Unfortunately this time a lot of pundits and journos agree with the fans' annual deluded nonsense, and sadly they might just be right. Added to that this may be Klopp's last chance before he gets poached by Bayern Munich. On the other hand, Citeh could win it in their sleep at the moment, so 2nd, probably...hopefully.

Leicester: Their fans still haven't stopped smiling, and who can blame them? Can't see anything vastly different from last season to be honest. Then again, Vardy isn't getting any younger and they've lost Mahrez, so this could be the start of a slow slide back down the table. That prediction probably means they'll win it again.

Man City: Money, money, money, it's a rich man's world. 1st, obviously.

Man Utd: By some distance, the dullest team in the top six. Even when he was winning stuff with Chelsea, Maureen had the demeanour of a bloke who hates his job, now he just looks like someone who can't wait to retire. I know the feeling. Wake me up before you go go, Maureen.

Newcastle: There is a sizeable minority of Everton fans who, every time we change managers recently, want the FSW as our boss. They can fuck right off. Have they no memory? Anyway, like Phil said, how is he still at Newcastle? Come to that how is that cockney sportswear spiv still their owner? More mid-table fodder, unless Benitez finally does get poached, in which case, yet another relegation prospect.

Southampton: Meh...wherever they finish, it will be next to Newcastle in the table.

Tottenham: They've just played in virtually every game in the World Cup so they'll be asleep for a few weeks, and then disorientated by their move 50 yards down the road. Expect Harry Hotspur to get lost, looking for the new way in, not being the sharpest pin in the box. Like Phil I thought Wemberlee would be their undoing last season, but I was wrong, as per normal. For the first time I can remember, Spuds have a resilience about them, and actually don't look flaky. Except when they play Chelsea, obviously. Will lose to Chelsea twice, but slug it out with Liverpool for 2nd, and hopefully win, but I doubt it somehow. Third.

Watford: My dad's team, so I've always had a soft spot for them. Right now they are an advert for how not to run a football club. Will struggle, badly.

West Ham: A horrible team, led by a likeable wily old fox. Unlike Spurs, the wide open spaces of their new ground is causing them big problems, and probably still will this time. Mid table fodder.

Wolves: I used to like the 70s Wolves starring Derek Dougan, and their weirdly designed main stand. I know nothing about them now, nor does anyone else it seems. Therefore, they will do best of all the promoted teams. Mid table.

Everton: Like all clubs we have a sizeable number of idiots in our fanbase. This time, they wanted Marco Silva sacked for losing a couple of pre-season friendlies with our team of misfiring misfits, plus Richarlison. These people are so short sighted they probably hold each other's dicks in the loos at Goodison and don't notice.

Silva wasn't my first choice, but he's got my support as he has of any fan with two braincells to spark off. A bit of an unknown quantity he's not been at any club long enough to really judge, so we'll see. The best signing we've made as I write this on 29th July, is Marcel Brands as director of football from PSV, a bloke who so far has said all the right things, and in Richarlison bought someone who may be able to change a game. However what we really need is a centre back to partner Keane, who will be a great footballing defender, given the same partner for more than one game in a row, and a left back. Jags and Baines are both getting well past their sell bys, and Williams is just fucking awful. I suspect we can't give him away, so perhaps it's best to have him shot and turned into glue to hold Woodison Park together for another year while we wait for the mythical new ground to start appearing, mirage-like at Bramley Dock. I won't be holding my breath.
It will take three or four transfer windows to sort our mess out, so yet another forgettable season beckons. Frankly, all I want this year is to avoid relegation and win a cup, as it will be 24 long years since we last won a pot at the end of this coming season!

Final table:

Man City

Liverpool

Tottenham

Arsenal

Chelsea

Man Utd

Everton

Burnley

Crystal Palace 

Leicester

Wolves

Newcastle

Southampton

West Ham

Bournemouth

Fulham

Huddersfield

Watford

Brighton

Cardiff

FA Cup: Arsenal

League Cup: Everton (sigh...)

Chumps League: Boris Johnson

Cobblers: Last day survival, both in a footballing and fiscal sense 

First managerial sacking: Whoever's in charge at Watford 

England's World Cup 2018

As Spurs, Man Utd, Liverpool, Chelsea and maybe a couple of others prepare to welcome home World Cup winners, runner's up and 3rd and 4th place medallists, it's time to really examine England's most successful world cup since 1990.

Except, without wishing to appear like I'm jumping on a negative bandwagon, I do think in the euphoria of a semi-final appearance, it's prevalent to examine some of the things that obviously do not make Gareth Southgate a winner, just yet.

Jordan Pickford stands out as one of the outstanding goalkeepers of the tournament; he had one or two moments, but he's young and he was fearless. He was let down by areas that he would not have been let down by with a different defence.

The Defence: Against Tunisia and Panama playing Kyle Walker - arguably the country's finest right wing back and one of the best in the world - as a centre back, when there were two perfectly excellent centre backs on the bench was excusable, but once the opposition started to be more wily, surely that was the time to stiffen it up? Except, England had Kieran Trippier in the right wing back position and he was arguably England's player of the tournament. It seems that Southgate's version of getting Scholes, Lampard and Gerrard in the same team is how to play the two best English right backs in the same team and make the surplus-to-requirements Liverpool teenager feel as though he's there for more than a holiday with his bigger mates?

The problem is, who do you drop? One is lightning fast and the other is one of the best crossers of a ball since Beckham. The problem is, Walker isn't a world class centre back by any stretch of the imagination. France arguably left an entire team of quality players at home (and still took Giroud), maybe part of being an England manager is having to make decisions that mean someone misses out?

John Stones was solid and dependable; I have no complaints about his inclusion and I'd also suggest that Harry Maguire had a tournament to remember and one that will only increase his value. The problem is that I'd also have to say that Ashley Young had a good tournament; he didn't particularly do anything wrong and having an older head on the pitch was a good thing; but we missed the natural left foot and speed of Danny Rose, who never made the impact coming on as sub as he can when he grows into a game naturally from the start.

Eric Dier is as good a centre back as he's a defensive midfielder (he can also play right back) and he's a better ball player (and defender) than Walker. He could also have been used in a revolving back 4/back 5 scenario. Walker and Trippier could have played as alternating wingers.

I also could not understand why Fabian Delph was taken and used in a position he would never play for Man City in. Delph has become a good converted wing back, like Victor Moses at Chelsea and Young at Man U, but he's picked, and played in his old position because there's an embarrassment of riches in the wing back department.

The Midfield: I wasn't the only person mystified by the inclusion of Delph as a central midfielder, but considering England took a grand total of 7 footballers who can, have and do play in right back positions for their clubs, I would have thought that a couple more midfielders wouldn't have gone amiss. I'm no fan of Jack Wilshere but I think he's a much better player than Fabian Delph and Jonjo Shelvey would have provided freakish distraction allowing Harry Kane to score even more goals. The thing is for an England football team to be light of a midfield is not a positive sign, especially when there appears to be few on the horizon, excepting the injured players, of course (but would the relatively inexperienced Harry Winks be ahead of someone like Ruben Loftus-Cheek?).

Jordan Henderson actually had a reasonably good tournament. He was better than I expected or even believed he could be, I simply don't think he offers England anything other than workmanlike from midfield. He tries hard, but so, as some people say, do fat girls. The same can pretty much be said of Jesse Lingard, who, despite excellent moments, never seems to achieve what you expect of him when you need it. Ruben Loftus-Cheek replaced Dele Alli for a couple of games and did okay, but it wasn't until he returned and scored that the Spurs man started to look up for the cup, but surely RL-C could have done Lingard's role, the way Dier could do Henderson's? Simply put, our midfield should have been more prominent. One of our tactics in the Croatia game seemed to be the back five passed it around a bit, played it back to Pickford who launched it up field - shades of Graham Taylor.

I believe Dele Alli plays well in central midfield, when he has his usual crowd around him; he's far more creative in a Spurs shirt than he was for England; the problem is - and this isn't bias - he's best as a #10 styled player and better in that position than both Sterling or Lingard.

The Forwards: Harry Kane didn't look fit. He hasn't looked fit since his injury back at the end of March. He's a player England have to play, but preferably when he's fit and up for it, not just the latter. Raheem Sterling does lots, sadly there's very little return in this team because they're not Man City. Sterling plays a specific way and doesn't read the game well, he's just tenacious enough to get consolation prizes for his greedy tendencies. Marcos Rashford displayed both naivety, nerves and flashes of brilliance; he warranted being on the field longer than Sterling. Vardy looked like he was at the beach. Welbeck might have well been - we could have brought at least another midfielder, even if it was just 'a potential' like Trent Alexander-Double-Barrelled-Liverpudlian-Lad?

England's Competition: Tunisia hit us back at the right time because that game was fizzling out and England needed a wake-up call. Panama could have happened to anyone half decent and Belgium was an almost pointless B-team game (as it will be on Saturday). By the time extra time arrived in the Last 16 match against Colombia, it was obvious that they had started to suss out our one routine from set pieces; the fact Sweden also sussed it but failed to do anything about it glossed over some glaring cracks hidden by how fortuitous we'd been with the draw. In the semi, Croatia really struggled with our set-pieces in the first half, but pretty much weathered the storm; by the time they'd collected themselves for the second half they dealt with set plays easily and started to play it around with some belief. Instead of being tired, they were fired up by their equaliser and anyone with half a footballing brain saw the best hope England had from that point on was actually penalties.

Southgate pretty much kept the same line-up, the same Plan A, throughout the entire World Cup. Look at a maligned manager, Roberto Martinez of Belgium; he changed things around against Brazil and Belgium breezed through that match with little to worry about. Belgium might not have beaten France in the other semi-final, but Martinez was at least shifting things around. My only criticism of Martinez was he didn't rotate his excellent squad enough and appeared to play some of his clearly less capable players at times - but what do I know? Some of those unfancied footballers won games for him!

When you look at how England got to the semis - Tunisia, Panama, Colombia and Sweden - you would be excused from believing it wasn't exactly hard (Albeit the performance against Sweden was largely excellent). Croatia - many positions lower than England is the laughable FIFA rankings - had experience and a couple of world class footballers and pretty much offered the young English lads their only real test. They reminded me so much of Spurs versus Juventus in last season's Champions League; the better team failed to capitalise and were then suckered and had no reply.

In general, this world cup was as full of surprises as the last European Championships. The early loss of Germany, Argentina and Spain opened it up and some teams performed considerably better than they should ever have been allowed to. No one is suggesting the competition was fixed, but Russia's penalty shoot-out defeat in the quarter-finals was possibly the most justified result in the entire competition. Russia should never have been given the cup; like Qatar in four years, this does nothing for the world game and loads to help line the pockets of oligarchs and sheikhs as well as shining a grubby spotlight on human rights abuses, which, of course, FIFA are blissfully ignorant of on an industrial scale.

The world cup is a bloated and unnecessarily large competition that stirs up unwanted jingoism from English twats (and others). It impinges on the far more important domestic football seasons and makes people think they're seeing stunning matches and a celebration of football; when in reality we'll lap up anything in a hot summer with no club football and Wimbledon. Equally, the same could be said for the European Champions League - which should be for Champions only and not an invitation for rich clubs to make more money (and that includes the exclusive club my own team is now entering). The World Cup should be smaller, maybe with just 16 nations, if this means the same 16 nations almost every four years, then FIFA needs to invest more of its banked billions on developing nations, on bigger youth tournaments (which allows these young talents more of a platform than academy or B team football), on ensuring smaller leagues are not only supported but encouraged to develop players from every country that wants to play football.

That isn't going to happen. I might as well argue with a brick wall because England got to a world cup semi-final! Just be thankful they didn't get through to the final or even win it.

The Arse End

With the season drawing to a far more exciting close than most would have expected three months ago, there are some burning issues still to be resolved...

Can Liverpool win the Champions League, again?
Which of the four remaining teams will lift the FA Cup? Will it be boring boring Man U or Chelski or can Spurs win their first FA Cup since the 1990s or Southampton their first since the 1970s - oh, Bobby Stokes.
Will the Premier League Champions elect continue to implode? And probably more pertinent, will any of the current other three teams in the Top four blow it, when all have reasonably easy run-ins?
Who will be joining WBA in the Championship next season?
And will Arsene Wenger still be in charge of Arsenal next season, even if they win the Europa League and therefore qualify for the Champions League?

The fact there are still things to talk about, some of which don't include Man Citeh, is further proof you should never expect anything in football.

Let's examine the questions in detail:
1. Can Liverpool win the Champions League again? Well, it's not beyond their capabilities; but just because they seem to have got the size of Man Citeh doesn't necessarily mean success. Liverpool have a theoretically easy run-in. They face Chelsea, who by then might have even less to play for or a cup final, either way it's not going to be as tough as facing them three months ago. Other than that they're more than capable of winning all their remaining matches, which if Spurs and Man U do the same would mean they finish fourth.
Here's where all kinds of fun comes into play: If they finish fourth, but win the Champions League, none of the top four would be required to qualify for next seasons Champions League and, neither would Arsenal if they won the Europa League - so Liverpool winning the European trophy would benefit everyone but only if they finish 4th.*

2. Who will win the FA Cup? Man U versus Spurs at Wembley one day and Southampton versus Chelsea the next. Two weeks ago I was rubbing my hands at that draw. We're better than Man U and on hindsight I would have preferred them in the final. However, while it seems a straight shoot out between the two top four sides to play Chelsea in the final, the south Londoners' are anything but unbeatable at the moment and while they have a great record at Wembley, the real fly in the ointment would be if Southampton won. Why? Because they'll win the cup. Spurs can beat anyone who play their way, which is why we've beaten Man U and Chelsea in recent months - home and away - Southampton represent the chaos which has a tendency to stymie Spurs, especially at 'home'. The winner of this competition should come from the first game but it will raise some awful questions for Spurs fans if they lose, again, in the semi-final.

3. Will Man Citeh continue to implode and is the current top four a done deal? If Citeh lose on Saturday night, to Spurs at Wembley, then I would put a large amount of money on the Londoners finishing in the top three (that's second or third), but will Citeh lose four games on the bounce? When was the last time champions elect were throwing away matches like marbles down a drain? *This is where it is key - if Spurs can beat Citeh then it'll be a straight race between Spurs and Liverpool for 3rd. Man U, who have probably the easiest run in now, will have to lose and draw in their remaining six matches for Spurs to catch them. The thing is Spurs are the form team in the league so you can't rule them catching Man U if the latter falters. The problem is you can feel a backlash coming from Guardiola's men and we haven't had a serious beating since they tore us apart in Manchester. As usual, while Champions League is all but guaranteed, but nothing is simple for the Spurs.

4. Who's going down? Who cares unless you support a team with less than 36 points at the moment? I wouldn't be surprised if either Stoke or Southampton manage to turn their form around in the remaining matches. It's still a lottery.

5. Will Wenger stay at the Arse? Honestly? I don't really care, but frankly he's taken Arsenal nowhere in years apart from all those cups they've won since Spurs last lifted one... From a comedy perspective it would be fantastic for them to win the Europa League to see the absolute dichotomy it will place the 50% or so of their fans who want the Frenchman gone. The ridiculous thing is, this year's Europa League would have Burnley salivating at their chances of lifting it; it's been low on quality and Everton provided everyone with comedy football. Only really Athletico Madrid stand in the Arse's way of regaining Champions League football for being mediocre at best.
What it would mean for spend-thrift Wenger, who only seems to buy strikers of any real quality? At the moment, Arsenal are where Spurs were five years ago, the problem here is that Spurs were going forward, while Arsenal have, apart from their ability to win cups, gone backwards and won't be challenging for the title again soon... Or will they? The situation with Arsenal isn't helped by the fact they're in a rich - no pressure - vein of form. There is no denying they are far too good to be lower than 6th, but not really good enough to be higher and arguably, the only way for them is back up. Whether he stays or goes, they will have to spend big in the summer to maintain it and even that isn't a given. Them winning the Europa League would be a slap in the face for all Spurs fans in more ways than one.

A bonus 6. England at the World Cup - what are the chances? Frankly, there's more chance of us boycotting it than there is of us winning it. It will be mainly won by Germany, with other teams finishing just behind them or by a distance. England have about as much chance as Denmark; it won't be embarrassing as it was last time, but TV won't feature that many live England games; five at best would be my guess. Out on penalties to Brighton.